i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Randomize
