we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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