I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
