I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I stole a fireplace last night.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
