I want to walk on stilts...naked
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
