Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
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my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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