did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
