Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
