i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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