apparently the secret to your success is patron
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
