Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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