Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
