bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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