so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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