please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
