It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Come share oat with me in your robe
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
