I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
