he looks like a really good dad on facebook
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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