how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
