Small penises have feelings too.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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