Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
