Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
