sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
