we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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