i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize