I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
