Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
