After last night, I could never be a politician.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
