i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My penis needs a shock collar
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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