This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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