Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
My room smells like vodka and shame
one might say we're banned from that church
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
