Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
