They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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