i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
zippers are such a cool invention
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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