You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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