Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
