I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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