I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize