i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
