i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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