As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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