I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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