Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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