Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
