Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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