i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
