Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
