why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Randomize
