Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
