Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
