not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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