Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
