it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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