we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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