I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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