were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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