It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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