do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
