Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
