I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
