I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
