yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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