He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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