I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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