She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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