Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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