Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
