i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
