He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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