It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
