Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Randomize
