I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
