Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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