Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
