I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
