I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
